As a single Christian woman of a "certain age," one of the most frequently asked questions I get these days is:

"So... are you seeing anyone?"

Unfortunately, this is not asked by single, gorgeous, rich, Jesus-loving men. This is coming from friends and family I haven't talked to in a while, usually at weddings, showers, birthday parties, etc. I don't mind fielding this question - it's normal to be curious about this. And I'm not embarrassed to say that I am, in fact, not seeing anyone.

But it always makes me wonder why we prioritize dating and marriage so highly, especially in Christian culture. Don't get me wrong - marriage is wonderful. God created it, blessed it, and I look forward to getting married someday. But God also created community and families, yet fewer people ask me which church I go to now or if I've made friends there (to which I would jubilantly respond, "I'm a member of Princeton Alliance Church and I've made amazing friends there!").

Last summer, this dude who used to go to PAC visited our small group and offered some great insight into singleness and marriage in the church. He is married with kids, but I feel like he totally got the "plight" of the single person in a church full of married people. We talked about the hoopla over weddings these days - the ceremony, reception, and the many, many witnesses in attendance - and I asked why Christian friendship was not given the same attention. He explained that for the first Christians, friendship actually was regarded very highly. Back then, it was dangerous to admit you were a Christian, so to be baptized in the faith and become part of the Christian community was a huge deal. It took loads of preparation, assurance and commitment in one's heart before making the decision public through a baptism ceremony - much like how we treat marriage today.

I don't expect Christians to revert back to the mindset of the early Christians in this regard, nor do I really want them to. Marriage is sacred and should be treated as such (and I'm not opposed to some hoopla and fanfare at my wedding). But in my own life, I want to appreciate friendship as an equally sacred and blessed thing; not just as a substitute until I get married, but as its own entity. In my experiences, true Christian friendship and sisterhood has proved to require incredible amounts of honesty, trust, love, communication and vulnerability. I dare say, at times it has required just as much as a marriage requires, and that sounds about right to me.

1 Corinthians 12:27-31
Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? But earnestly desire the higher gifts.

As a body of believers, we should seek to serve God using the gifts he's given us.  As we discover our own gifts, we can help direct others to do the same.  And if you're a leader in a church, you have the opportunity to find specific ministries in which believers can serve according to their gifts.  When we serve using our own gifts, I believe we can serve with excellence, thus propelling the entire church towards making Jesus' name known everywhere.

This is a great idea, but it doesn't always happen so smoothly.  It can be difficult to figure out your gift(s) or maybe the church isn't structured enough to create serving opportunities for everyone.  In any case, one area that I've experienced a lot of mismatching of gifts is within worship music ministries.  I realize that worship leaders have to be more than just skilled musicians, they have to be humble, servant-hearted, and anointed in order to lead people into an intimate meeting with God through music.  However, I really believe they should be skilled too, and yet I've encountered many different people who serve through music ministry (or desperately want to) and yet cannot hold a tune!

While I'm all for acceptance and giving people a place within the church, I sometimes wonder if worship ministry leaders (in my church, specifically) are actually acting cruelly by placing people who lack musical talent within worship ministry.  By "acting cruelly," I mean that they may be giving some of these people false confidence in their abilities and/or keeping them from discovering their true gift and finding a ministry to suit it. 

I also wonder if this happens in other ministries?  Are church leaders making excuses for their volunteers because they're so desperate for help?  Or is serving really more about the heart and less about the gift?

Since getting counseling at my church, I've been examining my relationship with my dad and his own childhood as well.  Through this process, I've become even more thankful to God that despite circumstances, he has helped me find my way to him.  My ancestry really was not conducive at all to becoming a Christian.  It is riddled with alcoholism, cheating, concubines (when it was legal), divorce, neglect, greed, and not to mention, Buddhism (common in most Asian backgrounds).

I'm thankful that God reached out to me despite the deep-rooted sin running in my family lines, however I'm starting to realize that although God rescued me from these things, my family (present and future) is not completely free of them.  I am not married and do not have any children, but one day I will.  I've become more aware of the power of sin and that it really can seep through generations unless a conscious effort is made to give them to God and have them eradicated completely.

My dad was not the best dad, and I am learning to forgive him for this.  But how do I prevent myself from making the same mistakes that he made?  I am a social drinker, but am very cautious with alcohol.  However, that doesn't make me immune to alcoholism.  And how will I treat my future marriage to keep it healthy and safe from cheating, divorce, etc.?  On top of all this, what will my future spouse bring to our relationship in terms of sin from his family?

All these questions make me afraid to get married and have kids, but I am taking hope in the fact that God is my Redeemer.  I believe that if I surrender these things to him now, and recognize that I am susceptible to repeat the sins of my fathers, he will start the process of healing and restoration and eventually free me from the chains of generational sin.  My hope and dream is that my future family and the generations to come will be God-fearing people who don't have to carry the burden of my or my ancestors' mistakes.  I believe blessings can last for generations too, and that's what I want for my future lineage.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself as I'm not even dating anyone at the moment , but I think it's worth giving some thought at any stage in life.

So what are your thoughts on generational sin? How has it affected your own life?
Or conversely, have you experienced an echo of the blessing God gave one of your ancestors?