I'm not sure if it's my biological clock, or the barrage of wedding invitations I've received, or just the general flow of life, but I have got marriage on the brain, folks! As per
my last post, I'm finally in a state of mind where I think marriage looks challenging and difficult, yet rewarding, satisfying, and encouraging. I think it's a good place to be for me.
I'm proud of myself and thankful to God for bringing me to this new state of mind and I think it's a sign of maturity for myself, yet also an acceptance of the reality of marriage and growing up in general. However, I read this article called,
"The Cost of Delaying Marriage." and I'm wondering if it would have been better to have these revelations several years ago? The writer discusses how many 21st century women are putting off marriage/children more and more in favor of retaining their complete independence, furthering their education, and advancing their careers. Later, they find themselves alone, dissatisfied, and in serious want of what other women around them have - busy households with a husband, children, and all the insanity that comes with having a family.
She's not saying that women should throw themselves at the first nice man to cross their paths, but that maybe holding out on marriage for so long really isn't doing us much good - even if we are doing other great things like getting Masters and PhDs, securing our careers and finances, etc. Her main point really is that women should seriously considering dating and marriage at an earlier age to be fulfilled and not find ourselves pining in frustration for a husband and children in our 30s when our options may be more limited.
Here's a blip of the article that struck me:
By spending years and years living entirely for yourself, thinking
only about yourself, and having responsibility to no one but
yourself, you end up inadvertently extending the introverted
existence of a teenager deep into middle age. The woman who
avoids permanent commitment because she fears it will stunt
her development as an individual may be surprised to realize in
her 30s that having essentially the same life as she did at 18 –
the same dating problems, the same solitary habits, the same
anxieties about her future, and the same sense that her life has
not yet fully begun – is stunting too.
As you may have guessed, there were a lot of visceral reactions to the article. So someone actually wrote a
Defense as well. I suggest reading both because I am curious to know what you think.
I know this sounds like something that belongs on
Datingish instead, but these articles are written from the Christian perspective. And it's very relevant since we Christian women are living in a world that tells us to date around, not settle, and find fulfillment in one's career and sex life, while the Bible calls us to be a helper, obey our husbands, and overall just be married (unless we have the gift of celibacy).
So how do we reconcile these two opposing cultures?
Comments (2)
To be honest, I find the articles (both the original and the defense) vaguely disturbing on several levels. The authors seem to be sitting inside of their family situations, looking out, and thinking that those not in their shoes must be perfectly miserable. Any woman (or man, for that matter) who has chosen to not get married didn't make that decision in a vacuum. As a male in his early 20s I have received plenty of advice as to when or who I should marry. Many people who marry late in life do so because they have other priorities, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Second, I find it rather disturbing that the articles have such a negative view of men in general. Men are portrayed as "shallow" and unwilling to search for "deep emotional connections." The original article suggests that men will "callously disregard the increasingly
desperate 30-ish single women around them, or move on when
their current love becomes to cloying." Men aren't out looking for a piece of meat to spend the rest of our lives with.
Third, I just don't believe that every woman is out there searching for a baby-maker with a great job. If I were a woman, those articles would offend me.
Finally, a laugh for the censorship of "damn" in the original article.
Everybody's different. Everyone should make an informed choice of what is right for them, and run with it.
@AdamC - yeah, there were a lot of reactions like yours, and i don't blame them (or you). there are definitely parts of the article that i didn't agree with, but there were a few parts that did make sense to me (like the snippet i included). and i'm glad you disagreed with the stuff on men - i'd be really sad if all men really were just looking for hot, young, pieces of meat! but i look at my friends and married couples i know and i KNOW that just can't be the case. maybe the author's just been burned in her past? ::shrug::