Monday, 18 August 2008

• Changing

  Has anyone ever said to you, "Wow, you've changed"?

  Did they mean it in a good way or bad way?

  When I first moved out of the city and back into the suburbs with my family, my mom noticed a change in my behavior - particularly whenever I drove.  I really can't stand bad drivers and unfortunately, New Jersey is chock full of them. So anytime I would drive, I'd end up yelling at some jerk who cut me off or was driving too slow.  And each time, my mom would say, "You've changed.  You're so mean now."

  Of course, I didn't like hearing this, but in hindsight I realize it was true.  The city had made me a little tougher and meaner, and it had affected more than just my driving.  I was dissatisfied with my life, I hated where I was (literally. NJ was not for me!), and I was generally very negative about everything.  I should probably add that I was being pretty flakey with God then too.

  Fast forward to yesterday: I've been attending my church for about 10 months now, and my small group has heard all the ups and downs of my life in that time.  Yesterday I shared that because of a shift in my priorities, I was deferring my career change/Masters Degree plans.  These days I feel happy with where I am in life, with my friendships, and especially with my service in the church.  Life isn't perfect, but it's far more fulfilling than it was a year ago and I can a little longer wait to make a life-altering career change.  As I shared with my group, I asked for prayers for my job situation, because I need to leave my part-time position and find a full-time opportunity.  I ended by saying, "but I'm not worried about it."

  Immediately, my group leader/friend shouted, "Wow! Can we just videotape you saying this right now?!  You're completely different!"  He had noticed how I had clearly changed over the past 10 months; I went from worrying, being stressed, and negative to relaxed, trusting the Lord, and enjoying life!  It's pretty crazy, and his comment took me by surprise at first, but he is right.  I've changed, and it's a good thing this time; it's evidence that God has been doing something in my life.  

  The external factors haven't changed much - I didn't find the perfect job, I'm not suddenly a millionaire, nor have I found my soulmate, but I'm happy and at peace.  What's changed is that I'm participating in Christian community and connecting with God regularly again.  And it's those small, subtle connections with God and his people that have added up to this 180° change in my attitude.

  So has anyone noticed changes in you recently?  Are they good or bad?

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