Tuesday, 13 January 2009
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Title TBD
As a single Christian woman of a "certain age," one of the most frequently asked questions I get these days is:
"So... are you seeing anyone?"
Unfortunately, this is not asked by single, gorgeous, rich, Jesus-loving men. This is coming from friends and family I haven't talked to in a while, usually at weddings, showers, birthday parties, etc. I don't mind fielding this question - it's normal to be curious about this. And I'm not embarrassed to say that I am, in fact, not seeing anyone.
But it always makes me wonder why we prioritize dating and marriage so highly, especially in Christian culture. Don't get me wrong - marriage is wonderful. God created it, blessed it, and I look forward to getting married someday. But God also created community and families, yet fewer people ask me which church I go to now or if I've made friends there (to which I would jubilantly respond, "I'm a member of Princeton Alliance Church and I've made amazing friends there!").
Last summer, this dude who used to go to PAC visited our small group and offered some great insight into singleness and marriage in the church. He is married with kids, but I feel like he totally got the "plight" of the single person in a church full of married people. We talked about the hoopla over weddings these days - the ceremony, reception, and the many, many witnesses in attendance - and I asked why Christian friendship was not given the same attention. He explained that for the first Christians, friendship actually was regarded very highly. Back then, it was dangerous to admit you were a Christian, so to be baptized in the faith and become part of the Christian community was a huge deal. It took loads of preparation, assurance and commitment in one's heart before making the decision public through a baptism ceremony - much like how we treat marriage today.
I don't expect Christians to revert back to the mindset of the early Christians in this regard, nor do I really want them to. Marriage is sacred and should be treated as such (and I'm not opposed to some hoopla and fanfare at my wedding). But in my own life, I want to appreciate friendship as an equally sacred and blessed thing; not just as a substitute until I get married, but as its own entity. In my experiences, true Christian friendship and sisterhood has proved to require incredible amounts of honesty, trust, love, communication and vulnerability. I dare say, at times it has required just as much as a marriage requires, and that sounds about right to me.
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Comments (3)
great post.
one thing to take into account though, is that people are people, and are ever-interested in creating and witnessing drama, especially if they do not have enough in their own lives.
love it! "Unfortunately, this is not asked by single, gorgeous, rich, Jesus-loving men." love that line the best because it made me chuckle
Thanks for not just another "I'm-a-Christian-single-and-why-can't-people-get-over-it" post! I'd like to add that singleness is a gift, the same as marriage is. The Apostle Paul had some strong words regarding staying single (he thought it was preferable to being married). I am married, and if I had one thing to do over again, I'd live my single days more thoroughly and passionately for Christ. I love being married, but you can do things for and with God as a single person that married people can't do. You get a little distracted after you get married. I still pursue God with everything that I have to give, it's just not the same. God BLESS you!