misshibiscus's Revelife

Title TBD

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 16:46:36 GMT

As a single Christian woman of a "certain age," one of the most frequently asked questions I get these days is:

"So... are you seeing anyone?"

Unfortunately, this is not asked by single, gorgeous, rich, Jesus-loving men. This is coming from friends and family I haven't talked to in a while, usually at weddings, showers, birthday parties, etc. I don't mind fielding this question - it's normal to be curious about this. And I'm not embarrassed to say that I am, in fact, not seeing anyone.

But it always makes me wonder why we prioritize dating and marriage so highly, especially in Christian culture. Don't get me wrong - marriage is wonderful. God created it, blessed it, and I look forward to getting married someday. But God also created community and families, yet fewer people ask me which church I go to now or if I've made friends there (to which I would jubilantly respond, "I'm a member of Princeton Alliance Church and I've made amazing friends there!").

Last summer, this dude who used to go to PAC visited our small group and offered some great insight into singleness and marriage in the church. He is married with kids, but I feel like he totally got the "plight" of the single person in a church full of married people. We talked about the hoopla over weddings these days - the ceremony, reception, and the many, many witnesses in attendance - and I asked why Christian friendship was not given the same attention. He explained that for the first Christians, friendship actually was regarded very highly. Back then, it was dangerous to admit you were a Christian, so to be baptized in the faith and become part of the Christian community was a huge deal. It took loads of preparation, assurance and commitment in one's heart before making the decision public through a baptism ceremony - much like how we treat marriage today.

I don't expect Christians to revert back to the mindset of the early Christians in this regard, nor do I really want them to. Marriage is sacred and should be treated as such (and I'm not opposed to some hoopla and fanfare at my wedding). But in my own life, I want to appreciate friendship as an equally sacred and blessed thing; not just as a substitute until I get married, but as its own entity. In my experiences, true Christian friendship and sisterhood has proved to require incredible amounts of honesty, trust, love, communication and vulnerability. I dare say, at times it has required just as much as a marriage requires, and that sounds about right to me.

Book Review: Understanding God's Will by Kyle Lake

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 03:58:03 GMT

The tag:
How to hack the equation without formulas

From the back cover:

Do you struggle with knowing God's will for your life? For years, the subject of God's will has been presented more like a mathematical equation rather than the extraordinary, liberating, challenging — even risky — journey that it actually is.

In Understanding God's Will, pastor Kyle Lake takes the fear and the mystery out of pursuing your life dreams and reveals simple and practical ways you can live in God's will on a daily basis. So quit pulling your hair out. If you're ready to get answers, take a seat. Class is about to begin...

About the author:

Kyle Lake was the pastor of University Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, for seven years. He passed away in October 2005 at age 33 and is survived by his wife Jen, and their daughter and twin boys. Lake also wrote a follow-up book called (re)Understanidng Prayer.

(For David Crowder*Band fans, the name may be familiar. He was the pastor of David Crowder's church and died right before DC*B's tour for the A Collision album.)

My Take:
Overall, a well-written, funny, easy to read, relevant, and honest book about God's will and what that really is. Lake has a gift for clearly teaching a topic as complex as the will of God. On top of that, he's very funny, sarcastic, and a little self-deprecating. This isn't a stuffy exegesis on theology and scripture written by some guy who's long gone. He wrote this for Christians of today's generation, using examples that we can all relate to and jokes that keep the tone light. Yet he doesn't water down his message, and manages to tackle the topic seriously.

To be clear, this book is not going to give you a step-by-step guide on how to discover God's specific will for your life. It's not like a "get rich quick" scheme or late-night infomercial. The short of it is that God's will is for us to become more and more like him. That may sound like a cop-out answer to some of you, but I hope you'll take the time to read this book to see how Lake comes to this conclusion. I found it very eye-opening as it caused me to examine my own life, decisions, and hopes to determine if I was living in God's will.

The aftermath:
The book had an especially powerful effect on me because of my current situation; being inbetween jobs and trying to figure out what to do with my life sure makes a girl wonder about God's will a lot. Have I figured everything out after reading this book? Of course not. But it took me one step closer to understanding God a little bit better. And I have something new to mull over and work out as I make more decisions and consider my hopes and dreams for the future. It also lead me to listen to more sermon/podcasts on this topic and investigate what other pastors had to say on the matter. All in all, I'm glad I read it.

Buy Understanding God's Will at Amazon.com

Excellence in Church Worship

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 03:37:11 GMT

1 Corinthians 12:27-31
Nowyou are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, secondprophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? But earnestly desire the higher gifts.

As a body of believers, we should seek to serve God using the gifts he's given us. As we discover our own gifts, we can help direct others to do the same. And if you're a leader in a church, you have the opportunity to find specific ministries in which believers can serve according to their gifts. When we serve using our own gifts, I believe we can serve with excellence, thus propelling the entire church towards making Jesus' name known everywhere.

This is a great idea, but it doesn't always happen so smoothly. It can be difficult to figure out your gift(s) or maybe the church isn't structured enough to create serving opportunities for everyone. In any case, one area that I've experienced a lot of mismatching of gifts is within worship music ministries. I realize that worship leaders have to be more than just skilled musicians, they have to be humble, servant-hearted, and anointed in order to lead people into an intimate meeting with God through music. However, I really believe they should be skilled too, and yet I've encountered many different people who serve through music ministry (or desperately want to) and yet cannot hold a tune!

While I'm all for acceptance and giving people a place within the church, I sometimes wonder if worship ministry leaders (in my church, specifically) are actually acting cruelly by placing people who lack musical talent within worship ministry. By "acting cruelly," I mean that they may be giving some of these people false confidence in their abilities and/or keeping them from discovering their true gift and finding a ministry to suit it.

I also wonder if this happens in other ministries? Are church leaders making excuses for their volunteers because they're so desperate for help? Or is serving really more about the heart and less about the gift?

What's the Point of Small Groups?

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:07:47 GMT

My church is really big on small group communities. It is absolutely the lifeline of our church and where we, as imitators of Christ, grow and learn the most within the church. I get the idea, and am completely on-board with it. I realize that since people aren't perfect, small groups won't be either, but I believe in them and am committed to the group I am in right now.

My friend, on the other hand, is having a hard time following this vision within our church. She's been with my small group longer than I have, but she still does not consider many of us friends, only acquaintances. In addition, she was recently very hurt by one of the small group members when he broke a promise to help her with something very important. In the bigger scheme of things, she knows that this incident is not such a big deal, but she is still dealing with her hurt and unable to trust him (and by association, his wife) again.

I don't blame her for feeling the way she feels, but I am concerned because after this incident, she's mentally and emotionally checked out of our group. Fortunately, she still feels she can trust me, and has often expressed her true disappointment with the group. Her question of late has been, "What's the point of small groups if we're only going to support each other on the day that we meet and never during the rest of the week?"

I know she has a servant's heart and wants to know and love God more. But she's hurt by this incident, and overall has not felt very accepted or supported by the group. I think her question is very valid, but I don't know how to answer it. What really gets to me is that I think this is exactly the reason many people turn away from the church and God. It seems that people's issues with Christianity are less about theology and practice, than they are simply about acceptance and community.

So tell me, how would you respond to her question or address her situation?

Generational Sin

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:20:18 GMT

Since getting counseling at my church, I've been examining my relationship with my dad and his own childhood as well. Through this process, I've become even more thankful to God that despite circumstances, he has helped me find my way to him. My ancestry really was not conducive at all to becoming a Christian. It is riddled with alcoholism, cheating, concubines (when it was legal), divorce, neglect, greed, and not to mention, Buddhism (common in most Asian backgrounds).

I'm thankful that God reached out to me despite the deep-rooted sin running in my family lines, however I'm starting to realize that although God rescued me from these things, my family (present and future) is not completely free of them. I am not married and do not have any children, but one day I will. I've become more aware of the power of sin and that it really can seep through generations unless a conscious effort is made to give them to God and have them eradicated completely.

My dad was not the best dad, and I am learning to forgive him for this. But how do I prevent myself from making the same mistakes that he made? I am a social drinker, but am very cautious with alcohol. However, that doesn't make me immune to alcoholism. And how will I treat my future marriage to keep it healthy and safe from cheating, divorce, etc.? On top of all this, what will my future spouse bring to our relationship in terms of sin from his family?

All these questions make me afraid to get married and have kids, but I am taking hope in the fact that God is my Redeemer. I believe that if I surrender these things to him now, and recognize that I am susceptible to repeat the sins of my fathers, he will start the process of healing and restoration and eventually free me from the chains of generational sin. My hope and dream is that my future family and the generations to come will be God-fearing people who don't have to carry the burden of my or my ancestors' mistakes. I believe blessings can last for generations too, and that's what I want for my future lineage.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself as I'm not even dating anyone at the moment , but I think it's worth giving some thought at any stage in life.

So what are your thoughts on generational sin? How has it affected your own life?
Or conversely, have you experienced an echo of the blessing God gave one of your ancestors?

Bait & Switch

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:03:27 GMT

I moved back to New Jersey thinking that I would pursue another degree and change my career. I had it all planned out: move home, save money by not paying rent, apply for schools, study my butt off, move out as soon as I'm done.

Now, instead I find myself postponing school, getting more involved in church, building great relationships with fellow church members, and seeking healing and counseling for issues I wasn't even aware of one year ago.

I kind of feel like God pulled a "bait & switch" on me! I thought the only reason to return to New Jersey was to pursue school, but now I see that it was to be a part of this community, meet these people, and pursue God's plan to restore and heal me. School may not even be in the picture anymore! But I'm happy and at peace with how things are going now.

When was the last time God did a switcheroo on your plans? Were you happier in the long run?

How Do You Pray?

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:43:55 GMT

A lot can be written about prayer. We can dissect The Lord's Prayer, talk about how often we should pray, whether pre-meal prayers are absolutely necessary, deathbed prayers, etc. But that's all kind of serious and I'm pretty unqualified to lead those discussions.

What I am qualified to do is point out all the silly and funny things we do while we are praying (or supposed to be praying).

So how many of these can you identify with? (I've done 'em all!)

Prayer Voice
That's right, you know what I'm talking about - it's the phenomenon that occurs when a person prays outloud in a group setting and all of a sudden, after everyone closes their eyes and bows their heads, the voice of the designated prayee changes completely! I've experienced this with both girls and guys, but usually in both cases, their voice seems to get higher, softer, and gentler. Additonally, they'll crank up the SAT vocabulary usage and start spewing words they never use regularly!

It's all, "Oh heavenly and gracious Father, we humbly request that you lavish your bountiful blessings on us this day. We are but lowly servants, unfit to be presented in your court, and yet you mercifully open the gates of heaven and welcome us as heirs."

Then as soon as we say "Amen," it's back to, "Yo. I'm friggin' hungry, let's eat." (Well, that's something that would come out of my mouth anyway)

Opening Your Eyes
It's universally known that when you pray, you must bow your head in reverence, clasp your hands in humility, and close your eyes in focus. So why are you opening your eyes, you pagan?! I'll tell you why - because you get the best view of everything! Do you know what's going on while you're closing your eyes? The stage at church magically transforms, the lighting dims, and music starts playing out of nowhere. In small group, you see that dude falling asleep, that other girl looking so not holy enough, and on rare occasion, someone picking a wedgie (or a nose. ew.). Tee hee. It feels so naughty and liberating - try it sometime.

Falling Asleep
If you've fallen asleep during prayer time, don't feel bad - the disciples did it too. And it happens to me all the time. I once tried to combat this temptation at a retreat by praying on my knees. It was the perfect combination of discomfort to keep me awake plus holy appearances to keep the pastors happy. Unfortunately, my legs started getting numb, and then I eventually put my elbows on the floor, rested my head on my arms, and ZzzzZZzzzzz...

But the worst is when you fall asleep, everyone says, "Amen" and you're still snoozing! Tsk, tsk...

Repeating God's Name Over and Over and Over Again
This has to be my personal favorite - when you pray and say, Father God, Jesus, Lord, and Holy Spirit repeatedly throughout your prayer. It's like God might forget you're talking to him - or worse, fall asleep! - so you have to keep reminding him to pay attention. Extra points if you get creative and use fancier names like Redeemer, Glorious One, Jehovah Jireh, etc. God likes it when you get creative.

Turning the Meal Prayer into a Revival Meeting
And this is my least favorite. When I was growing up, my family spent a few Thanksgivings with another family from church. They would open up their home to a bunch of other small families without local relatives and we'd all celebrate together. I loved it because I got to play with my friends and eat lots of wonderful food. But every year, without fail, my friend's dad would pray for the Thanksgiving meal. And every year, he would start off praying for the food, then the families, then our church, and our pastor, and the starving people in North Korea, and the future generations of the world, and the unsaved, and the children, and back to our church, and it would go on and on for at least ten minutes! Now, I know ten minutes of prayer isn't so bad, but it's like a lifetime when you are an impatient 12 year old, smelling and seeing (I opened my eyes back then too) all the Thanksgiving goodness, and starving!

What's worse is that the entire prayer would be in Korean, so I didn't even understand all of it. And Korean Christians have this habit of shouting, "AMEN!" together in the middle of prayer if they agree with something (and by the way, how do they know to do it in unison like that? Is there some secret Korean prayer code?), so everytime they said, "AMEN!" I'd get excited that the prayer was finished. It'd take about 10 Amens-in-unison to get to the final closing one!

Now, I never spend more than 30 seconds on a meal prayer. Time me!

Ok, just in case people don't get my sarcasm, well... this is ALL sarcastic. Prayer looks and sounds different to everyone and I think it goes without saying that God listens to anyone who sincerely wants to talk to him, fancy words or not.

So what quirks do you have when it comes to prayer?

Changing

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:02:10 GMT

Has anyone ever said to you, "Wow, you've changed"?

Did they mean it in a good way or bad way?

When I first moved out of the city and back into the suburbs with my family, my mom noticed a change in my behavior - particularly whenever I drove. I really can't stand bad drivers and unfortunately, New Jersey is chock full of them. So anytime I would drive, I'd end up yelling at some jerk who cut me off or was driving too slow. And each time, my mom would say, "You've changed. You're so mean now."

Of course, I didn't like hearing this, but in hindsight I realize it was true. The city had made me a little tougher and meaner, and it had affected more than just my driving. I was dissatisfied with my life, I hated where I was (literally. NJ was not for me!), and I was generally very negative about everything. I should probably add that I was being pretty flakey with God then too.

Fast forward to yesterday: I've been attending my church for about 10 months now, and my small group has heard all the ups and downs of my life in that time. Yesterday I shared that because of a shift in my priorities, I was deferring my career change/Masters Degree plans. These days I feel happy with where I am in life, with my friendships, and especially with my service in the church. Life isn't perfect, but it's far more fulfilling than it was a year ago and I can a little longer wait to make a life-altering career change. As I shared with my group, I asked for prayers for my job situation, because I need to leave my part-time position and find a full-time opportunity. I ended by saying, "but I'm not worried about it."

Immediately, my group leader/friend shouted, "Wow! Can we just videotape you saying this right now?! You're completely different!" He had noticed how I had clearly changed over the past 10 months; I went from worrying, being stressed, and negative to relaxed, trusting the Lord, and enjoying life! It's pretty crazy, and his comment took me by surprise at first, but he is right. I've changed, and it's a good thing this time; it's evidence that God has been doing something in my life.

The external factors haven't changed much - I didn't find the perfect job, I'm not suddenly a millionaire, nor have I found my soulmate, but I'm happy and at peace. What's changed is that I'm participating in Christian community and connecting with God regularly again. And it's those small, subtle connections with God and his people that have added up to this 180° change in my attitude.

So has anyone noticed changes in you recently? Are they good or bad?

How Do You View God?

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:56:59 GMT

As a Christian, I've been taught the various attributes of God and they really seem to run the gamut - loving, just, mighty, gracious, merciful, jealous, gentle, unchanging, fearsome, holy, righteous, wise, sovereign, perfect, et cetera, et cetera.

But as a sometimes stubborn, type-A, self-proclaimed control freak, I often filter God's character and choose to see him in a harsher light. I tend to believe that God is only righteous and just, and therefore demands perfect obedience all the time with no room for error. I actually don't mind this view of God - I think he has every right to demand that his people live up to his standards. However, the reality is that I don't and can't live up to his standards on my own, and that's when I often fail to embrace the loving, gracious, merciful side of God.

This year has been a season of getting to know God in that way, and it's actually been quite difficult for me. I realize I'm not used to anyone just wholeheartedly wanting to love and bless me. I'm reminded of Jacob a lot these days, who for all his faults and failures still understood the giving nature of God and never shied from asking God for blessings.

So, how do you view God? Is it ever a bit one-sided because of your personality, upbringing, education, etc?

What's More Offensive than Gay Marriage?

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:45:56 GMT

I say, lots of things.

This is one of those hot topics that Christians are known for ardently debating in politics, church, etc. And with the recent legalization of gay marriage in California and now Massachusetts in the process of allowing non-resident gay couples to marry in their state, it's very much at the forefront of news, politics, and people's minds. It's one of the few things that really gets some Christians' blood boiling and sends churches in uproar.

But sometimes I wonder why exactly this offends people as much as it does?

Let's get some things straight first - God never condones homosexuality. Yes, I know this, I get it. Homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible. But so is lying, drunkenness, jealousy, cheating, selfishness, idolatry, and all other acts of sexual immorality. So I just wonder why we elevate this sin above so many others? I don't recall reading about Jesus outright condemning homosexuality during his ministry on earth (but please correct me if I'm wrong), so why do we target this issue and gay individuals as much as we do?

I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm 100% ok with gay marriage. I'm not. And honestly, I still get squeamish when I see a gay couple together. But if Christians are so offended by homosexuals, why are we not just as enraged by the other things that go on in this world?

Here's at least one thing that offends me more than gay marriage: the prevalence of pornography in our society. It's a multi-billion dollar industry that degrades both men and women, is available to children, encourages unbridled lust, and has a better chance of breaking up your marriage than your gay neighbors down the street have. But I rarely hear of the church and Christians going out in droves to protest this industry.

I think there's a ton of other things besides gay marriage which Christians should be more than or equally angry about, but that's just my opinion.

Do you ever feel like the church unfairly targets homosexuals? Or are we simply upholding God's design of marriage?

(Healthy debate is always welcome, but let's avoid any derogatory name-calling please.)